This post contains Amazon affiliate links.
Fairness matters to kids. You’ve probably seen it play out in your classroom countless times: a child gets a slightly smaller piece of paper for an art project, or someone gets called on twice before another has had a chance to speak. Suddenly, there’s a passionate declaration: “That’s not fair!”
If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. Many young children are laser-focused on fairness and justice—sometimes to the point where small situations feel like big battles. While it can feel exhausting to mediate these moments, it’s also an incredible opportunity to guide children as they develop their understanding of fairness, empathy, and problem-solving.
Why Fairness Matters So Much
When kids are hyper-focused on fairness, it’s about more than just the moment. At its core, fairness gives kids a sense of safety, value, and predictability in their world. For them, justice feels like the glue that holds everything together.
But here’s the thing: fairness isn’t always equal, and justice doesn’t always come immediately. These are huge concepts for young minds to grasp! That’s where we, as teachers, step in to support their growth and understanding.
Explaining Decisions Transparently
When a child feels something is unfair, their brain goes into overdrive trying to make sense of it. One of the best tools we have as teachers is transparency. Taking a moment to explain your decisions in kid-friendly language can go a long way.
For example:
- “I see you’re upset because you think Sam got extra time with the blocks. I let Sam finish building their tower because they started later, but you’ll have the same amount of time during your turn.”
- “I understand it feels unfair that I didn’t call on you this time. I wanted to make sure everyone had a chance to share their ideas, and I noticed you’ve already shared twice.”
These explanations do two things: they validate the child’s feelings and give them a bigger-picture understanding of the situation. I want to reiterate plainly: validating a child’s feelings about fairness is not coddling. We are not babying them or carrying them through a tough situation. We are plainly letting them know that there is no such thing as a “bad emotion”, and explaining to them the reasons for something happening.
Teaching Cognitive Flexibility
Cognitive flexibility is a big term for something very simple: helping kids learn that things don’t always go as expected, and that’s okay. It’s about helping them shift their perspective when they’re stuck in a rigid sense of right and wrong.
Here are a few ways to nurture cognitive flexibility in the classroom:
- Role-Playing Scenarios: Create simple role-play activities where kids can explore different perspectives. As you know, I love a hypothetical scenario activity! For example, have one child pretend to be the “teacher” while others role-play students. Ask questions like, “How would you make sure everyone has a turn?”
- Stories About Fairness: Read books that explore themes of fairness and justice, like “The Day the Crayons Quit” by Drew Daywalt or “One” by Kathryn Otoshi. Pause to discuss how the characters navigate fairness.
- “Fair or Equal” Activities: Create real-life examples that help kids see the difference between fairness and equality. For instance, give one child a band-aid for a pretend “injury” and ask if everyone else needs one too.
Validating Feelings While Expanding Perspectives
When kids feel heard, they’re more open to learning. Start by acknowledging their feelings:
- “You’re frustrated because you think this isn’t fair. I get it—that’s a big feeling.”
From there, guide them toward seeing the situation from another angle:
- “Let’s think about it together. Why do you think I made that choice? What might have been fair for everyone involved?”
This process not only helps them feel validated but also encourages critical thinking and empathy.
Remember, You’re Teaching Lifelong Skills
These fairness moments, while small to us, are monumental to kids. By taking the time to model empathy, explain decisions, and nurture flexibility, you’re equipping them with skills that will help them navigate relationships and challenges for the rest of their lives.
It’s not always easy, and it takes patience (and more often a deep breath), but it’s worth it. The next time you hear, “That’s not fair!” try to see it as a teachable moment—a chance to help your students grow into compassionate, adaptable problem-solvers.
You’ve got this, teacher friend! ❤️
