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Accepting no is a really hard lesson and strategy for many students. If you have students in your classroom or on your caseload who struggle with defiance and power/control behaviors, you likely also see a struggle in accepting no. While this seems like something children might need to just grow into, explicit instruction can also help.
Social scripts
Social scripts are some of my favorite proactive strategies to support students. There is a lot of hard evidence that social scripts support autistic individuals, and tons of anecdotal evidence that they support kids of even broader ranges. I like to use social scripts as proactively as possible.
If you have a student that tends to struggle with accepting no, reading a social script on this topic before a time when limits might be tested, or after morning meeting each day, might be helpful.
This particular script shares reasons why “no” might be said, and some strategies for accepting it and moving forward.
Read alouds
I say this frequently – there is a book for EVERYTHING! I love the book I Just Don’t Like the Sound of No! by Julia Cook. This is the perfect book for reminding students that sometimes, we need to accept that the answer is no. This book is super relatable and funny, making it an approachable way to tackle an often uncomfortable topic. It also offers many strategies that RJ, the main character, is taught to help him manage the acceptance of no.
Related activities can help stretch the lesson from a read aloud so children can get more benefit from the lessons provided. The activities in this companion pack connect to common core, so students can be analyzing characters, plot, etc. while continuing to discuss the important themes and strategies the book offers.
Teacher language
As we already know, teacher/adult language is incredibly powerful. We want to avoid power struggles with students as much as we possibly can. Relationships with all kids are essential to learning and success in the classroom. Something as simple as engaging in a power struggle can really strain this! I love the book The Power of Our Words by Paula Denton. It’s so actionable and provides so many great lines to use to help diffuse power struggles. This is one of those books I always have on standby.
Defiance over handling the word “no” can be really stressful as a teacher. Don’t forget that developmentally, some students really respond and need that explicit instruction (including providing strategies) in order to find success.
